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I guess I’ve been thinking about what you were talking about. I mean trying to live a good life, getting clean and off the drugs. I thought maybe I could do the same. I mean I’ve been clean and sober for a hundred and fifty-eight days now, but here I am. Sitting in a bar when I should be out there working.’ ‘You know we’re both alike.’ Morris said. I thought about it for a minute and then looked at him. ‘What do you mean?’ ‘Well, we both want what we think is unattainable. We both want to be clean, we both want to stay on the straight and narrow, we both want someone to love us, to somehow validate our lives. To us, we need that validation. We can’t just wake up and say, ‘I’m a good person. I deserve to live. I deserve to be happy’. We need something or someone to tell us this constantly, on a daily basis.’ I sat there, running my finger around the rim of the glass in front of me. Morris tapped me on the shoulder. ‘And we’re both recovering addicts sitting in Las Vegas, staring. "Rule of the house - look but don't touch," she told me.'Hazel' showed me the birch she was going to use. It was a wicked bundle of seven long whippy hazel twigs which she then stood in a bucket of water. The water prevented the buttocks becoming too raw but also increased the weight of the birch twigs to inflame the buttocks. She placed me over a kind of low frame and told me the punishment was twenty strokes. I was to count the strokes aloud. One stroke every fifteen seconds. By the tenth stroke the build-up had so inflamed my bottom cheeks, making them so tender and burn so fiercely, that I could take no more. I begged for a respite.There was an awful silence. I had failed to observe the submissive's code. I had proved to be a wimp. Hazel said that her co-partner the French girl would allow me a five-minute respite, then start the punishment again from the very beginning, twenty strokes, but twice as hard. She counselled me "not to interrupt the French girl like you did me, my.
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