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I make myself laugh sometimes.)Walking into the noisy Stagger Inn, a honky-tonk bar full of honkeys, no one greeted me with cheers a la Norm. But I still felt at home in this dump with its peanuts and bullets on the floor, once even a severed penis when Lorena Bobbitt worked the door. Immediately the blur of neon PBR signs and the clattering of plastic beer mugs began to overwhelm me.Nor was the endless loop of Buck Owens helping. No pleasantries were exchanged with other patrons. I was like a ghost, unseen and only heard annoyingly like the faint buzzing of a mosquito inside the ear canal. Despite being a semi-regular I always felt as out of place here as Homer Simpson at a Mensa convention. I motioned to my favorite barmaid, Lisa. She's my favorite because she laughs at my lame-ass jokes and tolerates my even lamer flirting. The gorgeous brunette also doesn't giggle when I order a Zima as the others do. It doesn't hurt that I tip lavishly, like a Tokyo businessman at a Sailor. He let his hand run over her bottom, felt her flinch as he touched the hot, red flesh. "Now it's really going to hurt, Justine. I'm going to whip your tender inner thighs first, then move between your legs and whip your pink pussy. Finally I'm going to let the flogger sting your tiny asshole. It's going to feel like I'm tearing your body apart. But first I want you to look in the mirror and see my little toy. Watchthe floor behind you."He pressed a button near him. This was not an antique, but a modern invention made to induce girls to willingly spread their legs, even though they knew it would open up their sex to such terrible abuse. The floor opened and rows of sharp tacks, each over an inch long and spaced one inch apart, appeared on the floor running from the pillory, back to over three feet behind her. "These will pierce your feet if you step on them, so if I were you I'd do anything to avoid them. I'll tell you when I move this or increase the area of the tacks so you can make.
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