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Here at least I found some anonymity and alittle bit more sympathy.The money I earned never seemed to quite meet the costs ofrunning my pathetic life. The cost supplying sufficient drugs tocombat the detested testosterone was prohibitive. The lastdamnable vestige of my masculinity continually pumped the hatedhormone into my body. I had considered a second attempt atcastration but the doctors at the children's unit had warned methat my first attempt had caused serious damage. Their repairwork had been little short of a finger in the dyke and theycautioned me that any effort to remove the remaining testiclecould result in a fatal haemorrhage. I was stuck between a rockand a hard place. The choice seemed to be death or masculinity.Never enough money to pay for surgery or buy sufficient drugs, Iwas becoming desperate and my life was going down the pan!There was one small ray of hope however. After cleaning bars,serving booze and scrubbing toilets in the most squalid clubs inthe twilight. She was a new employee, hired as a hostess, but really she was just a cashier. She was a recent high school graduate who came up from Kentucky to work in southern Ohio. I think she was following a boyfriend. She was pretty and knew it. She was also a big flirt and knew she could play with men for attention. We had lots of time for flirting, since outside of the rush periods, the store was pretty quiet. I was not usually interested in girls like her – didn’t think she’d give me the time of day. And then after sex, what we would do? She certainly didn’t talk about anything I was interested in. Still, she was pretty, in a cute and all-American way. It was a week before Halloween and she told me about a Halloween party she was planning to attend. She asked my what I thought of her idea for a costume. She would use her boyfriends shoulder pads and helmet and dress up as a football player. Naturally, I told her she’d look pretty, and we started to talk about making her look more like an.
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