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“Josh ordered cigarettes. I asked Lydia what flavors of condom she carried. That’s when the lady put down the bread and milk and took out her phone. “Lydia started tossing flavored condoms at me. I had no idea there were so many. Who the fuck wants barbecue flavored beef anyway? Therefore, I threw two twenties on the counter and started opening the packages. “I rolled a raspberry flavored condom on his dipstick and took a taste. Nah, raspberry wasn’t the answer. Therefore, I tried strawberry. Better, but still not, what I was after. Blueberry didn’t work either. I was done with the berries and started in on other kinds of fruit. “Did you know they make a kiwi-flavored rubber? I like kiwis, but they didn’t get the taste quite right. I rolled a banana-flavored raincoat on him, but it tasted too real. I bit down. I thought Lydia was going to have a fucking heart attack when Josh screamed.” Josh interjected here. “I offered to buy every banana flavored condom she had if I could just burn. I suppose it was ... I can't find the right word ... thoughtful, kind, understanding, comradely? A bit of each of those things.But you can't paper over the cracks when something like this happens, when your wife vanishes. When you don't have closure. When you just don't know what's happened. It's just like in engineering. If you see cracks in a large concrete casting, you can't just pour more concrete in and expect it to be OK, just like that. Cracks usually mean you have a serious problem. So I can't "just move on", as though Jenny never happened.Anniversaries are the worst and birthdays. If was mine last week. I caught myself wondering what she might buy me, where she might have arranged to take me out. Then I remembered, she is not there anymore. It was hers a month ago. I found myself thinking what we might do together. What she might like and then I remembered — there is no Jenny any more.Our wedding anniversary hurt most. But then we are still married. She might not be there,.
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