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’ ‘I don’t want you to go’ I said as I kissed his forehead and then his face and then his lips and then we were married. Those were different times. The wedding was something like the festival of San Genero, with about as much noise and people. I was delirious. Did everyone feel like this after they got married? I hoped so. We lived in our new place together for eighteen months. Michael died. I won’t recount the scenes to wring tears: he died, he just died. The only thing I’ll say is that one of the last things he told me was, ‘when I get up there and they ask me what I liked best, I’ll tell them about you’. People use the word ‘void’. For me it was just the opposite. There was no void, I wasn’t empty. I was filled. I was filled with Michael, with anger, with despair. I was filled with loss. Michael’s death brought me to the second Great Unshakable Truth. I would never be loved like that again. Nobody could and nobody would. I never thought that thought but it was always with me.. I lay back on my bed and conjured up thoughts of you and me and sex. I thought about what you said about taking your time, the first time you get to enjoy my body. I trailed my fingers lightly over my breasts. I raised my knees and spread my legs and lightly touched the insides of my thighs.I pulled up the picture of your cock on my lap-top. I imagined lying on a bed with you straddling my body, pumping your cock as I watch. I imagined you moving closer to me so that, finally, the tip of your cock just reached my lips as you stroked yourself.I was getting wet. I knew it because I felt it with a finger. I didn't leave a hand in my panties because I wanted the first picture to be real. To be a picture of the panties, naturally wet. Like they'll get some day when I see you in person.I kept thinking of you and the things we've said to each other. I imagined you between my thighs, the tip of your cock just inside my pussy while you stroke it. I imagined my cousin Lacey naked in bed with.
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