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“Why do you think he’s keeping secrets from you? He doesn’t want you to see him for who he is,” I tell her still angry. “Why didn’t you just tell me this when you met me that day at the park,” Rachael asks trying to keep me talking,” You could have just told me what you knew then?” “You wouldn’t have believed me,” I spit out,” some random guy just shows up and tells you all these bad things about your secretive boyfriend. You’d have told me to ‘fuck off’ and that would have been it. I wanted to show you that the person your boyfriend hates the most isn’t as sick and depraved as he is. I had people telling me that I should have hit you like he did Kori.” “Why not if you’re so damn determined to hurt him then why even talk to me,” Rachael asks raising her voice. “Because I don’t do collateral damage! I do not go around punching and torturing everyone close to the people who hurt my family! I pick the people and only the people who hurt them and I beat the life back into them after I’m. I'm sorry, that's how it is and no moaning will change that. But I don't murder for blood. I'm very careful who I bite and how much I take. I have killed certainly. But I don't revel in it nor do I think of myself as a murderer. I have served the forces of my native Ireland and the forces of my adopted country the United States. I'm not a monster.But I am. Oh yes, I keep it deeply buried inside of myself. I rarely acknowledge its existence. And when it threatens to get out, as it does sometimes, when I see innocents, particularly children, hurt or endangered, I try to maintain control over it. Sometimes it slips. The control I mean. Then I have to force the monster back inside me. I don't let it run wild. But...Once I did. I not only called it forth, I howled with it as it gleefully ran amuck. And, what frightens me, what causes me to spend nights on my knees praying for forgiveness, is that even now, I'm not sorry I did.(Ireland, 1649)I could smell the smoke long before I could see.
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