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This happened years ago, long before we were married. We were still in high school and she had a friend who was on the a bit on the wild side. We had been drinking and just hanging out playing card games. At one point, my now wife (let's call my now wife Carrie and her friend Jessica) went off to the bathroom and Jessica and I kept on talking. I started to feel her foot on my leg, she started running her foot closer to my inner thighs. Carrie comes out of the bathroom and sees it and just laughs. She tells Jessica she's such a slit. Jessica then goes off to the bathroom and me and Carrie step outside to smoke a bowl. Carrie was asking me what Jessica was doing while Carrie was in the bathroom. I told her and she asked if I was enjoying that. I told her I'd rather it be her (Carrie) and that I was definitely not expecting that. Carrie laughed and said drunkenly that she really didn't mind, as long as it was Jessica (someone she knew and her best friend). Carrie started telling me that. “Couldn’t you tell?’Actually putting the truth in writing was almost cathartic. I didn’t even have to think about it; at the time I had wanted it and wanted it badly, however wicked it had been.‘Thank God,’ his message came quickly. ‘That’s such a relief. No regrets then?’‘I didn’t say that.’‘Feeling bad? Guilty?’‘Very mixed up!’ I typed, my hands still shaking.‘I’m not mixed up at all,’ came the prompt reply. ‘I’m very pleased we finally did it after all these years. Please can we do it again?’ He added a cheeky, smiley emoji to the message.For some reason I hadn’t expected to be asked this question so soon and so directly. For a moment I paused, my heart beating in my chest. There was no question what the ‘right’ answer was – an emphatic ‘no’! There shouldn’t ever have been a first time, let alone a second. I should be firm, I should be clear. I should not see Tony again.What was more, if I said 'no' decisively enough, I might perhaps assuage at least some guilt by telling myself.
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