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Bobby said he would gas up the bikes and mow the backyard to get it off his to-do list, and he should be done by 11:00 to go up to the pond.I took a shower and then did a load of wash. Carol said she needed to do errands downtown and left around 10:00. Bobby came in around 10:40 from mowing the lawn and headed upstairs to take a shower. I packed our lunch, and we were on our way to the pond a little after 11:00.The ride to the pond was as enjoyable as it always was. We arrived and spread out the blanket I had packed under the maple tree. We were both hungry and dug into the sandwiches and pickles as soon as we got them unpacked. Bobby kept looking at me and smiling. I knew he was thinking about last night and wondering what would happen now that we were all alone where no one would disturb us.I was finishing up my sandwich when I asked, “Thinking about last night?”“Yeah, can’t help it. How about you?”“Yes, I have been thinking about it. I feel a little guilty about what I did and. My life is a shadow of anger — I'm drowning in rage and disgust for myself. My entire being is an imposition.Water: an undeniably relaxing element. When I feel it swish against me at the beach, when it knocks me under it's surface with powerful surges and when it falls relentlessly from the sky I feel calm — as if my problems have disappeared if only for the moment. However, I know that my element is it's opposite- FIRE. I connect with the flames of a malevolent fire; I see myself within its intense heat. I feel as if my emotions are a wild flame of insecurities, revenge and self-hatred. It's ironic how I see myself engulfed in darkness and yet I feel as if I connect with the one thing that can bring me light.The darkest night - a blanket of onyx silk shielding us from the problems and responsibilities of the coming day...I found myself gazing up at the wondrous beauty of the night sky only hours ago — lost in the sheer magnificence of the tiny specks of light that gazed back. It.
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