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"I hid my face in my hands, for some reason, I was suddenly very short of breath."Paul?" Janice looked at me, expectantly.I hesitated and turned away for a second. For some reason, my breath was coming out in only short, quick gasps. I closed my eyes and tried to think, but all I had pounding through my head was her cold words: 'You can do this'."I don't have all evening," she said, behind me.I turned around and looked at Janice with weepy eyes. She simply pointed to the pillow by her side.With a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, I sank down and knelt on my new 'beck and call pillow'. I knew I was giving in and giving up a part of my freedom. Intellectually, I might have thought it was only temporary, something needed to help with her job. But if I had been honest with myself, I think I always knew that it would become a permanent part of our life together.A single tear leaked out of my eye as I looked up at Janice, who had already turned back to her work.After about 10. Ican't stop my hands. Don't want to stop them! I want to... A man comesover... and tells me... threatening movements are not... especially ona holiday. Grimacing... I say I'm sorry, and glaring at her one lasttime I make my way out.As I pass the door... tears run down. I thought I knew pain, andloneliness before. I knew nothing. She's got a knife in my heart... howcould she do this to me? We were so close. I depended on her... I...Sobbing still I get a cab and drive home. Maybe I'll get lucky and wellcrash. Ill be rid of these images of her and men... men playing withher... touching her... playing with her... I return to our house... andstart sobbing again. And try again to remember how our relationshipbegan. Back when we were both men.We had been a mismatched couple. Two men who missed their coach andtried to find a short cut to the town, and to the station. Two men whodidn't even know the other was on the coach. We finally found a path,leading through some hills. And there, between.
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