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And then blackness. That sweet oblivion that again threatened to swallow him. Perhaps he was dying? He suspected he may be. But the calm indifference with which he accepted that fate would have horrified other men. Perhaps the darkness that now enveloped him, with its lack of pain and sorrow, was better than the life he had known before it. And he took comfort in knowing that the pain and misery he had known his whole life was finally coming to an end. And he let that wave of darkness wash over him once again.There were hands holding onto him. Pulling him back from that comforting darkness. Didn’t they understand he had no desire to be saved? That this was the first time he had ever known this kind of peace? The fact that these hands were now trying to take that sense of comfort away from him was infuriating! How dare they take even this, small, simple thing from him?His limbs refused to respond! The darkness held him in place even as these strange hands tried to pull him from it.. He was off somewhere playingpoker with his buddies and again he was dressed in his silly sissy babyoutfit, complete with pacifier and baby bottle. He was playing cardswhile seated in his highchair at the same table with everybody else. Hefelt himself wetting... and the feeling disturbed him, made him sad. Itmade him sad enough that he started crying. And then Mel was there,talking softly and comfortingly, hugging him, calming him. She pulledhis highchair away from the table and removed his tray. She unfastenedthe safety strap that held him in place. Then she picked him up out ofthe chair and carried him a short ways off. She handed him a freshbottle to drink before she lovingly changed his diaper. He feltwonderful, loved, and complete as she did it. It was the best feelingin the world.And then his world suddenly turned upside down by the intense volume ofhis pink alarm clock playing rock music to wake him up. He was rippedout of his warm wonderful dream into the real.
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