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I had recently read Lady Chatterley’s Lover and the gamekeeper had liked the fact that his noble lady had physical functions. “Tha’ shits and pisses…” was how he put it.I was beginning to think I must be kinky, because I had watched Mrs Hubert on the toilet even before we became lovers, if that term could be applied to us. Her, certainly, but me?I licked and sucked her clitoris before delving between her lips for the main course. And then lower, deeper, and I was out of her vagina and into the rougher terrain of her arse. My face slid blindly into this unknown area and I hesitantly poked my tongue into my girlfriend’s mother’s bottom.She tensed and drew a quick breath.“I can’t really…” I began.“Lick me from behind,” she said urgently, turning over and up onto her knees. “My vagina.”I did as I was told and loved the warm slippery richness. I drank her juices as I silently adored her.And then I found myself unable to keep away from her utterly private area. I thrust my tongue between. But some of those that rival the Tube in extent and thoroughness, like New York and Chicago, spend a lot of time aboveground even as they speed through key areas. And most others have a relatively trifling number of stops and a very limited set of routes.None, in my eyes, can compare with the Tube. You walk down into a hole in the ground and emerge 15 minutes later somewhere entirely different. Magic.There's more, of course, to the Tube's allure. How about the way it turns people into a synchronized mechanical ballet, something like those Rube Goldbergian toys where you construct a maze of chutes, tracks, teeter-totters and such and then send marbles clattering through? When you descend into a Tube stop, you first slide your ticket through and click past a turnstile. Then it's a few steps to a long, steep escalator and through tunnel after bending tunnel, up stairs, down stairs, up ramps and down, around curves, with directional signs suddenly ordering you to abruptly split off from.
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