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Right?Part of me wishes I could talk to Tim, or even Samantha. They'd have great advice for this situation. But I can't go back to that life. It's not that going back would be painful. It's ... fuck! It really is that I feel like I've been lying to Alexis. I've been extremely careful not to lie to her, but by omission, I've lied. And I'm just afraid of the guilt. And that guilt is holding me back from pushing her more physically too. So we're stuck at this physical/emotional barrier. And it's all my fault.And once I figured that out a few days ago, I know she noticed. I'm a bit withdrawn, and she can tell something's up. The guilt is good for one thing—I've thrown myself into fixing her house and helping her and Cat set up this baseball card auction.She's excited because it means she can really sink some money into the house. No more DIY project, but hiring a real electrician. She even hints at having me hire a few guys to work for me. I knows she's talking about investing in me. I had seen Helen a couple of times after the party. The first time was pure lust, wanting to repeat the night of the party; I had the space, she wanted a fuck, why not and the second time she called me. Her old man was away for a week and did I want to pop over and sleep in her bed. Why not I thought! Any way that didn’t last long and we both moved on. One Sunday morning Sally and Adam had friends stay overnight; all seemed well except Sally was not in her usual joyful mood “hi Sal” I remarked” all ok, good night had by all” I said “Hu”; she huffed “he was all into himself, left me hi and dry” with that she left with her coffee and I did not see them for the rest of the day. That evening I was catching with some paper work I needed to do for the following day when I noticed Adam’s car leaving, then about 15 minutes later I heard a cursory knock on the door that led to the stairs and up to me, a couple of seconds later a little head popped over the rail. “Hi” a little voice said in a.
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